Van Helsinki (2013)

A black-caped Geoff Vampire appears at a house inhabited by Man and Woman, who are waiting for the arrival of a novelty-themed stripper. He rings a doorbell, but the two are distracted by Jim and Svetlana, a couple of lost wanderers who knock at the back door. Once they are invited inside, the four check the front again, only to find it empty. When they return to the living room, Geoff is already inside. Assuming he is the novelty-themed stripper, they watch him strip, but Man realises the truth when Geoff begins to take his trousers off before his vest. The four confront the vampire, but he reveals he is a vampire and bites Woman. Man and Jim attack Geoff, and Svetlana tries to call the police, but Geoff disconnects the phone and swoops on her. Meanwhile, Van Helsinki wakes up alone in his room. He receives a call from the Italian Operator, telling him that Inspector Someone-Who-Is-Not-David-Bowie wants to see him. Van meets the Inspector on a lonely road, but the two quickly begin arguing. It is broken up by Professor Ford, Van's old assistant, whom he holds some feelings for. Van is told about the case, and sent into the village, after Ford warns him not to let it get personal. Van and Geoff have a history, as Van was fired from the police force after he failed to stop Geoff killing a man. Meanwhile, inside the house, Svetlana wakes up to find herself imprisoned in the pantry. While in the village, Van is attacked by some tumbleweed and then receives a phonecall from a mysterious woman, who arranges a meeting with him. When he exits the phone box, he bumps into Creepy Man, who asks,via tape recorder: 'Need a hand?'. Van declines and Creepy Man disappears. Van meets the woman, who tells him to leave the village, but tensions escalate and the two find themselves in a duel. Their bullets hit each other and stop, and Van and the woman, revealed to be Fay Loren, the daughter of the man Van tried to save from Geoff, make an deal where Van can kill Geoff if Fay gets to make him suffer. Inside the house, Geoff has turned Man and Jim into brainwashed minions, and has Man shoot Woman and cover her in a sheet on the table. Svetlana escapes from the pantry and, hiding behind a tapestry, discovers a set of swords. Meanwhile Van and Fay attack the house, shooting Jim. Geoff escapes by teleporting away. Van and Fay search the house, where Van runs into Creepy Man again, While he is distracted, Man knocks him out with a baseball bat. Fay encounters and shoots Woman, and then engages in a gunfight with Jim (who has been resurrected) and Man, who are trying to carry Van Helsinki away. She shoots both of them, but is herself knocked out by Geoff. Van and Fay wake up in Geoff's lair, tied up. Geoff explains that he is an alien, and he wants to return to his home galaxy of Stevenage. He was going to use Fay's father, but had to kill him instead, and now plans to use Fay herself. Geoff then brainwashes Van and Fay. However, his countdown is stopped by Svetlana, who bursts into the room. Geoff orders his minions to stop her, but she defeats all of them and destroys the machine controlling them. Geoff teleports away again. Man and Jim skip off, hand in hand, as Van and Fay continue to look for Geoff. They encounter Creepy Man a third time, and this time Van asks if he knows where Geoff is. Creepy Man says he is at 'the Red Herring Church'. Van claims he has to go alone, and when Fay protests, he shoots her fatally and runs off. At the Red Herring Church, Van and Geoff have a showdown. Geoff realises that Van's true motive for killing him is because Geoff won a cuddly duck at the fair in his youth, and Van felt he cheated to get it. Van attempts to stake Geoff, but is knocked over by the Vampire and pummelled. Geoff breaks Van's hand and prepares to stomp on his face, but Van manages to flip Geoff over and stabs him with another stake. As the sky begins to rain, Van climbs to his feet, gathers his things, and walks off towards the gate leading out of the church.